Not My Soulmate

I just saw this great post a friend shared with me!

Check it out:)

My Husband Is Not My Soulmate

Amazing words of wisdom!

Reminding me that I want a real man, not an imaginary figure. And I get to choose him!

And that God doesn't have one "perfect" person picked out for me. God's will for me is not a bullseye on a target that is almost impossible to hit.

He gives me guidance and instruction for how to live in His Kingdom, and He wants me to choose a man who I can do that with!

He said to care for the orphan and the widow, heal the sick, cast out demons, raise the dead, be Love to every person, be filled with His Spirit, and to be closely intimate with Him. This is God's will!

So if I want, I can choose a companion to do God's will with me!

It reminds me of something I heard one time: "Love God and do what you want."

And when you actually understand what it means to love God and what that entails, you have incredible freedom to do what you want while always remaining in His will.

You Are a Child of the King

On my way home from work this evening I turned on the radio, and heard a song that put the biggest smile on my face! It was Matthew West's "Hello My Name Is" and it was the first time I had ever heard it.
Listen to it here:)

I have had so many regrets. I've made so many mistakes, mistakes that hurt me and ones that hurt people I love. And it is so easy for me to get lost in the memories of them, soaking in the feelings of pain and disappointment and failure. And its easy to begin to think that these events are what define me. 

We all can think like this some times. We mull over the thoughts of the disappointment we might feel in ourselves for our pasts or of the disappointment that we imagine others feel about us. We dwell on hurt we have felt or inflicted. And it pushes us into a pit of sadness and shame and hopelessness because there is nothing that we can ever do to change the past. Its dark and bleak and seemingly unredeemable. 

But we are no longer defined by what we've done. We are defined by the God who claims us as His own. 

I am not weighed down any longer by my past, no matter what it contains. I am changed. I am set free. I am a new creation. We are a new creation! Every day, every moment, we are new. Every time we are convicted about something that we've done, every moment that we take another step with Jesus and recognize that He is greater and has so much more for us than we imagine, we are different from who we once were.

 I've noticed that sometimes I can fall into the trap of believing that when I began believing in Jesus I became a new creation but ever since then I've been failing, that He says that I was once a new creation but ever since I became new I've been becoming "old" again, that I'm not very good at living as one who was once made new. What lies! The truth is that, it was not one moment that we were made new. We are made new constantly. Even when I fall or stumble or fail, as soon as I realize it and say "Jesus, forgive me, redeem me." I am a new creation. The person who accepted that sin within that stumble is dead, and a new person is rising in strength. I am not who I once was.

The person who sinned dies when a person repents, they are a new creation! 

We are each a new creation every day, the old has gone and the new has come! And every day, we grow in strength and in love. We are different, we are new. 

And in that new-ness, we are set free! Set free from that pit of defeat, of regret. Because our God has done what we thought was impossible: He has redeemed us! He has redeemed our mistakes and our past. We are not defined by them. 

We are not sinners any longer.  You are not a sinner. (Although, unfortunately, you might still sin sometimes:p) You are the child of God, the beloved of Jesus, and the vessel of Holy Spirit. 

Sometimes, in church, we can feel like we need to sit in dust and ashes and proclaim our fallen nature and wail out our pathetic state as "sinners!!" out of humility. But honestly, that may be biblical to do sometimes by Old Testament standards, but guess what? By Jesus' standards, that gets us absolutely nowhere. 

Because by New Testament standards, we are no longer sinners! And thinking that you are only gets you to sin more (because you think that you are defined by it and enslaved to it, doomed to a life of fighting it and failing often) and it keeps you immobilized in self-loathing and despair, all cloaked in well-meaning religiosity. (Another reason why I don't think Jesus liked religion too much. Truth can get muddled in well-meaning, but confused, tradition and ritual when not guided by the clarity found in intimate relationship.) A sinner is defined as (wait for it, this is mind blowing): someone who sins. A sinner is defined by sin. Makes sense. But a believer is not one that lives in bondage chained to sin. Our chains are broken. We are no longer defined by sin. We are defined by Jesus. Therefore, we're not sinners, we're Christ-like ones. 

You know whats empowering? Not sitting in our depressed state of focusing on how bad we have been, thats for sure. What is empowering is resting in the knowledge that Jesus has made us into something different entirely and and acting in the fact that we are now ambassadors of His love. 

Our calling is not to sit and reflect on our "natural" state of sin and be ashamed of ourselves. We don't have anything to be ashamed of anymore! Our calling is to claim freedom from those chains and run headlong into the overwhelming and overflowing love of Jesus. You are a child of the King, and that is something is be incredibly proud of.

I wasn't expecting to write that whole ramble, my original purpose was to just share the song:p haha Walk in love and freedom you guys:)

This Is Who We Are Now

"I Am New": by Jason Gray

Now I won't deny
The worst you could say about me
But I'm not defined
By mistakes that I've made
Because God says of me

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

Too long I have lived
In the shadows of shame
Believing that there
Was no way I could change
But the one who is making everything new
Doesn't see me the way that I do
He doesn't see me the way that I do

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

I am not who I was
I am being remade I am new
Dead to the old man,I'm coming alive
I am new

Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name

This is who we are now...

This song gives me shivers. Because this is who we are NOW. We are seen as holy and righteous NOW, not when we go to heaven to be with God, but right now because he is already with us. It is so hard to let this just sink in. I am not seen as a sinner any longer. I am clean and beautiful and precious and perfect to Jesus. He doesn't look on me in shame, so I should not look on myself in shame any longer either. He sees me as his perfect one, his holy one. Jesus was often called the Holy One of God. But now, thats me too. I am his holy one. You are his holy one! How magnificent is that! When that truth hits you, everything changes. WE ARE NO LONGER DEFINED BY SIN. That has passed away, and anyone who says differently or that we are still defined by sin until we reach heaven must believe that death is the savior, not Jesus. Jesus is the healer, not death. He is the resurrection and the life! And he has ALREADY given us new life. It is ours! We simply have to claim it. We don't need to be always wishing for heaven after death, because heaven has been given to us in life. And our purpose isn't to get to heaven later, it is to bring heaven to earth. To bring more of the Kingdom here. To prepare the earth for the King until he fully returns. THIS is who we are. Ambassadors, not sinners. Trusted, loved, cleansed, righteous, perfected in Christ. From feeling and knowing this is how we have the power to be the ambassadors of Jesus. Only by knowing WHO we are, that we are the children and beloved and ambassadors of God can we actually BE who we are. You have to have the awareness of your identity to be able to work from it. We have an incredible, powerful identity. I AM is in me. hah! That is amazing! 

I am learning who I am, and how to simply walk in who I am. 

Take a few seconds or minutes often throughout the day to just focus on the fact that you are the holy one of God, that you are his ambassador in every moment, that you are loved. And refocus in the power that you are given by Holy Spirit who is with you. You are never alone. The Living God is walking with you. He is reading this with you, and he will be present with you in every moment of your day. Let that sink in. 

And then live in power. We have Holy Spirit living with us, and we have his power as OUR power. Wow, I know I waste that so often. We have the Living Lion of Judah walking with us RIGHT NOW. He is HERE. He is present. NOW. Let it sink in again. Wow. It is not just some dry theology or a mental theory or a metaphor. God is present with you right now. You are sitting in the presence of the Almighty. And you are his child. 

Ahhhhh:D Just soak in that.

There is no striving to be something else here in the presence of God, there is only freedom to be who you are: the child who is soaking in the presence of their Father. 

That is power. 

Walk in who you are. This is freedom!

Dear Church

First, read this.

CTK Blog - 3 Things I'd Do if I Were Satan

Ok, here we go. 

Dearest Church, 
We need to WAKE UP to the Spirit and remember our roots, and remember that Jesus didn't preach legalism and judgement and rules and self-righteousness. He preached adoration and love for the broken. He preached the power given to us by the strength of his Spirit's supernatural work and the fact that our identity is being a Son and Daughter of the Almighty God. We have so much power that we don't use, and we have so many people that we don't love. 
Wake up church. We were told that we would be able to do even greater things than Jesus did, in his name. Do you get how huge that is? Jesus healed the blind, the sick, the lame. He rose the dead. He loved like none other. And he did all of this with grace and ease because he KNEW his identity, and he knew the identity of each person he met: each of them was covered in the love and longing of God. 
So then why has the work of the Spirit seemed to slow down? Why is the church known for their judgement and self-righteousness? We have forgotten our roots. Imagine a church where the Spirit is welcomed living and active and expected. We have the Living God inside our souls and all around us, and yet the American church seems to have been largely diminished to a place where people idly stand, sing a stale song, hear a message and then go back to their careers, their homes, their friends and don't really do much there either. 
But imagine a place where people encounter and see the love of Jesus. Where our service to other people comes from the overflow of our hearts. Where the ashamed, the unworthy, the sinners, the broken are healed by the love of God and the love shown by his sons and daughters. But this place is not a place it all. No, it is a people. A people who are fully aware of their identity and of the identity of those around them. We are the body of God, are we not? Are we not the hands and feet of Jesus, the one who told us to go out and heal in his name and cast out demons in his name, who told us love our neighbor and our enemy in his name? That's us right?...or am I missing something? Because most of the time, that doesn't really look like us, church. 
When did the overwhelming love of God and the incredible power given by his Spirit become something that we are so complacent in, that we think that we can just idly sit in? When did it become something that we sing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah" about but do not LIVE? I think this happened when we stopped realizing that we are the children of a real, and living, and present God. Our God does not just live on through us by the stories. Yes, the Bible is a record book of the action of God and a record book of his solid teaching that we live by. But, OUR LIVES are the daily newspaper of the action of God now, we are the current stories of the work of God because he has never stopped working and he has never left us.
When will this become real again to us? Because it is REAL. His love, his presence, his work. His hand is moving, and he calls his people to mobilize. He has been for the last 2 millennia. 
We are called to love and to act, and we are called to intimacy with God. And I think that this is another reason why the church is struggling. Often we become people who serve in the church, lead worship, host events, maybe reach out some, but we have lost the secret place. The quiet place, the hidden place, the place where it it just you and God together, talking and listening, being convicted and being strengthened and encouraged. From this place does the overflow of love and strength and encouragement and truth come from. And it is this place that needs to be recovered in the church. It is within the souls of men that the battle must be waged. And in our culture, this is the most difficult place to reach, because day after day, we are told that we don't have souls. Our culture says, "You are just a body, a mass of cells formed by a cosmic accident. You are temporal. There is nothing more to you." And this speaks directly against our very make up, our design, and our Designer. No wonder our souls are in crisis! 
We must learn to fight against this lie, to awaken our souls to the desire of the Divine. Society tells us we don't have souls because Satan knows that our souls are meant for eternity, and he wants as many people as possible to lose that knowledge and that hope. By the cutting out of the soul, Satan removes more and more threats to himself. And this is why the battle must begin there. By feeding the soul in the secret place with God, we gather more strength than Satan could ever even have knowledge of. And by this, we become fierce and strong Warriors and Lovers who know who we are and by whose name and power we live. 
Church,all of us, including myself, need to be continuously woken up. We need revival within the church so that we can have revival outside of it. We were never meant to be a stagnant people, who learned and experienced but never moved. It is from the overflow that action comes. 

This has been quite a blistering critique of us, church. But know that it was written as much to myself as to everyone else. You may not agree with me, and thats ok, I have much to learn. But be blessed and go with God today, because He is with us!

Much love, 
A fellow sister

A Place to Belong

I came this first year of university hoping for a good dorm, filled with sweet girls who could become a family. And I have been so blessed.

My dorm, 4W, has become my home, and the girls have become my sisters. At the beginning of the year, I was scared of what the transition would be like and how I would learn to function living with so many new girls. But now, with only two days left living in my dorm, I am almost scared to leave. This place is my safety zone, my resting place. Just like leaving home to come here felt like a leap of faith for me, so does leaving here to go back. What will be back home? What will it  be like? How will I spend my days, without my Rachel to laugh with, my Maya to call me "Cookie", my Alex to tease, my Brittany to love on? What will happen without the late night talking sessions of the Fab Four? 

I could never have imagined at the beginning of this year that these are the type of questions and concerns I would have now. While I am still SO ready for summer and for the end of school, I don't feel ready to leave this place. Because I know that when I come back, it will all be different again. This is hard for me because I've realized that here, I am comfortable, I feel accepted and loved, I am safe, I can rest, I can have adventures and make hilarious memories, I can speak deeply with the people around me, I can be challenged by new ideas. Unbeknownst to me, over the year, 4W became my place to belong. 

Over the years, these types of places have varied. Sometimes they have place places of deep belonging, other times a quiet comfortableness. There has been my middle school youth group, ZLO, my community college, and my high school youth group. There has been my friend groups and close relationships that have been and are places to belong. And now, I have had the unexpected privilege to call this university, and this dorm full of amazing women, another one of those places. 

God is so good, and I have been so overwhelmingly blessed. And I know that no matter where each of my girls go and what we all do, 4W is a place in our hearts where we will always have a place to belong.

A Word From a Friend

This is a post written by my friend, Keturah, an amazing woman who is captivated by the heart of God, and in whom the heart of God delights. What amazing words of freedom!

When beauty is protected, encouraged and cherished, women can breathe again. They can dance without shame, they can dress lovely without rivalry or conceit. Why do women spend so much time trying to compare ourselves? Because we've spent our lives wondering if we're worth being picked for the garden. 

Is our beauty good enough for a masterpiece, are we worth adorning? Behind the desire for jewels, shoes and designer clothes is a root much deeper than competition, it's a question. Am I worth pursuit without a selfish motive? Am I beautiful enough to adorn? Do you want beauty, or is beauty too much for you? Am I lovely?

Will you protect my beauty, or would you rather I hide my beauty so you don't have to put out the effort?

Would you hide my beauty and then complement a woman who is not encouraged to hide it? Would you look at a woman free to be herself and think that's a beauty worth appreciating, when I'm here, feeling unworthy of protection, unworthy of adornment? 

Men, you were meant to protect beauty, not control the amount of beauty so that you don't have to put out the effort. Tell us were beautiful! Don't worry what we'll think of you. I don't need to be in your garden for you to appreciate my beauty. But those of you who have a woman in your care, why don't you show her that she is worth having a man at her side and not a boy that sits at the dinner table wondering why it's late. Not a picky man who would rather she dress down so she doesn't draw too much attention. Is she worth a fight? Is she worth being bold for? Is she worth making sure that the other men know she came with you? Not to their shame or for your fame, not over the top for your pride, but for her to know that you would protect her from the creepers conversation and the life threat alike! That you would see that her heart needs protection too.

If you wait till our lives are threatened it may be too late. Don't let your flowers droop in shame. Water them with truth about what you see that is beautiful about them. They may not believe your words at first, but in time they will believe your actions. When you do small things out of sacrificial love, not just something she would appreciate that's easy for your brownie points. Do something that's hard. Something no one else will see. Just for her benefit. And don't expect a thank you, just keep doing it, if she's worth it. 

The DNA of the woman came from the heart of a King. Just like woman, He wants to know we appreciate Him. If He's worth sacrificing your comfort for. Her heart shows something of His. A longing to be desired, for the beauty that came from much pain, to be appreciated and not mocked. 

We women have caused fatal wounds to many boys and men. But please know that some of us repent. We felt unprotected so we tried to prove we didn't need your protection anyway, but we went our question answered by a man and not a boy.

We want men again.

I believe in you men and boys, you were made with a heart to fight, to protect beauty, to long for an adventure. We have told you for centuries that you couldn't be what you were made to be. That you'd never be men. What a disturbing thing to do. 

Men, we need you. We need you to be what you were made to be. I for one, let go of control over men. Be a man, protect beauty, have an adventure. Don't seek it for only us or for your good, but for the King, for the good of His family, His Kingdom.

Seek Him first, though your father may never have been proud, He will be, though your father may have avoided you, He won't, though you were broken by your fathers, He will heal and restore. He's not like your father! He will make you men who can fight in the midst of bloody war or as a checker at the grocery store. He is more than able to raise you as a man.

Earthly fathers tend to raise boys, but the King I know trains men (even from infancy). 

Beauty and strength are eternal attributes of the Kingdom to come. We get to be a visual aid if we choose to walk in our commissions. What a glorious honor.

Women lets stop stifling men and mocking their desire to be strong and able, start appreciating the way they love you. Stop trying to be stronger to shame the men, be strong as you ought and encourage your men to be stronger, without shaming them.

Men please stop being afraid of us, we need you now, stop mocking our beauty and tell us what you see as lovely, start fighting for us, for more than your image. What you see on movies, the men women tend to dote over, they're not just impossible heroes, they're men who let go of selfish pride. We don't expect a man that's perfect, but a man who is willing to be seen as imperfect without hiding, a man who will protect beauty without shame. A man who would risk his good, not only so he can have the beauty he longs to rescue, but so that the beauty herself is rescued, even if she will never be his.

Just Be Still

"Quiet me with your love." This has become my consistent prayer. In an era, a culture, and a situation that encourages and demands constant busyness, one of the hardest things I find to do is to still my thoughts and truly listen to God speak. My mind seems to be constantly full of thoughts, of plans, of anxieties. I often turn to writing my prayers because it helps my mind to not wander. But I want so desperately to be able to just be quiet before God, with God. To just say, "Father, communicate with me and help me hear you. Help my thoughts calm down and my head stop spinning!" 

These past couple days have been insane. With two major finals tomorrow, I've been studying like a madman. Today, a couple of my friends and I stayed in the same spot studying from 9:00am to 10:30pm. My brain has been overwhelmed. In my constant rush, my thoughts get jumbled and scattered, and I usually end up saying stupid and unnecessary things. But being the over-analyzer that I am, these careless acts become another part of the jumbled mess of thoughts that continue to race through my head. "What should I do? How can I fix what I've said? Ahhh I can't believe I did that. What was I thinking? Was it really that bad? ...yeah it was. darn it. Should I say something? Should I let it go? Will they let it go? Are they still thinking about it? I probably just ruined everything. Crap...why did you have to speak??" This is  small picture of my mind sometimes, but especially today. And trust me, there is no peace, there is no quiet, only my own mind grasping at straws for answers that never seem to be settled, and speculation that is enough to drive someone insane. 

But in the middle of all of this craziness, I realize something. When things are the craziest, when I am anxious, when I am panicking about finals or about my stupid blunder, when I am insecure about things that are going on in my life, when I feel like I am thinking so much and I can barely even hear myself, this is the time that I need to simply be quiet. Be quiet in His love. His love is overwhelming and overcoming. It overwhelms my heart and it overcomes my problems, my anxieties, my insecurities, and even my mistakes. His love is the healer of all hurts, and He makes right everything that had been done wrong. He hears, and he speaks. He holds all of His children in his hand, he is the comforter of all, the speaker of all truth. Being still in not easy for me, but sometimes, there is no other place I would rather be than quiet in the love of the Spirit. And there are no other thoughts I would rather have fill my mind than those of the Father. I want to be still in order to hear Him fill me with his thoughts, with his desires, with his plans.

There is only anxiety found in trying to fix things or to plan things on my own. I suck at those kinds of things and my plans never work out the way I intend. But the plans of the Lord are perfect. They require no analyzing, no correcting, no evaluating , no anxiety, and no regrets when they are carried out. The desires of God are good, and in thoughts of Jesus, peace is found. As Paul wrote, "Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable,...think on these things." In quietness before Jesus, he fills us up with the thoughts that are worthy to be considered. I don't need to be filled with worry, with anxiety, with guilt and shame, with constant planning and trying to control my life and the the affects of the past on my current life. He gives peace, and guidance, and quietness within his perfect love. 

Rest in His love, and walk in the knowledge that He is always with you, always communicating with you. He is the life. He alone is the truth. And from Him alone comes the thoughts worth dwelling on! 

Blessings on this beautiful day<3

When "boys will be boys", girls will be garbage.

Every person needs to take a look at this. Pure truth. I am saving this for when I have boys and girls of my own. Our Father loves his sons and daughters!! Each of us are honored in His sight and held in his arms. 

We were made for so much more than what our society settles with.

"There are more than a few good men. Real men like their Father, who laid down his life for his daughters." I am so blessed to know men that are growing more and more into being like their Father!

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/03/after-steubenville-what-our-sons-needs-to-know-about-manhood/

How He Must Love Us

I have loved the song "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan for years. Almost every time I sing it, it shakes me to my core. But now its shaken me to my core for a difference reason.

Listen to this version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08

I had never heard the story behind the lyrics, but I became curious when I heard the last verse of this version of the song.

I looked it up and found out that Stephen, who it mentions in the verse, was John Mark's best friend. One night, as they were praying, he told God that he would willingly give his life if it would draw more youth to Christ. That night, he was killed in a car accident. Soon after, John Mark wrote the song, "How He Loves."

I have seen this song break so many people, washing them with the reality of the passionate love of Jesus. I have heard stories of the lyrics just wrecking young people, letting them realize how great the love of God is for us. It draws us in.

I don't even know what to say, but I am shaken by this. Stephen said, "God if you want my life, I'll give it up for the furthering of your love." And God said, "I'll use it. And it will revolutionize the spreading of my message." God used the radical willingness of a simple man to bring a song into existence that purely talked about His ravishing love for us. That shows how desperately he wanted people to hear its message. It is only when we come face to face with the radical love that we fall down on our knees in surrender, worship, and longing for relationship.

Here is the full article that contains the story.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/music/features/22158-the-heart-of-john-mark-mcmillan

Extravagant Provision

I'm realizing how crazy good God is at providing every we need. Over the weekend, my car broke down as my sister and I were driving back to school from being home for the weekend. And God provided every. single. thing. Literally every thing we needed! He even threw in a Tim Horton's being right next to the car service place just for my friend who came to pick us up! (She had been really hoping we would be somewhere close to a Timmy's:p)
Today, I was working on a paper, or attempting to. It was going so slowly! I had been working in the library for hours trying to figure out how to write this paper on Jesus and Socrates, and trying to see what insight I could add to it from my own thoughts. Finally, I realized I just needed to go for a little walk, get some fresh air, move around and then try to keep writing. When I went outside I was enveloped by moonlight, with a few perfectly placed stars above me, and decided to walk into what I like to think of as the "secret garden" beside the library. As I sat down, I began to think of Jesus is Gethsemane, and as I prayed, asking for insight on His own situation when He was in the garden, He began to give me little tidbits of insight for my paper! How sweet was that right?!

I know all this is pretty random, I just love seeing how Jesus loves to show us that he is truly so present in our lives in all the little details whenever we pay attention. He is so good at giving us what we need when we ask! But I love seeing that so often, he totally throws in little extras that were not even necessary, like the Tim Horton's experience. It was enough that He protected the car from dying when I had taken it on a road trip the previous weekend, that He only let it die when my sister and I were together so we could figure everything out together, that He reminded my sister to bring her phone charger and gave her the idea to charge my phone through her laptop when we didn't have a car charger so we could contact the tow truck, our dad, and our friend to pick us up. It was enough that He made sure my friend wouldn't be too busy that night and that she would be able to use her car to come get us from the side of the road. It was even extra that he gave us really sweet tow truck guys that called me "my dear" like my grandpa would. But even paying attention to the detail about my friend having a craving for some Timmy's?? Hah, seriously, then He was just showing off.

The Mercy That Captivates My Heart

With a prayer You fed the hungry,

With a cry You stilled the storm;

With a look You had compassion 

On the desperate and forlorn.

With a touch You healed the leper,

With a shout You raised the dead;

With a word expelled the demons,

With a blessing broke the bread.

Love incarnate, love divine,

Captivate this heart of mine

Till all I do speaks of You.

As a sheep before the shearer

You were silent in Your pain;

You endured humiliation

At the hands of those You'd made.

And as hell unleashed its fury

You were lifted on a tree,

Crying 'Father God, forgive them,

Place their punishment on Me.'

I will feed the poor and hungry,

I will stand up for the truth;

I will take my cross and follow

To the corners of the earth.

And I ask that You so fill me

With Your peace, Your power, Your breath,

That I never love my life so much

To shrink from facing death.

"Father God, forgive them. Place their punishment on me." I adore this entire song,  but that line swept over me like a flood yesterday as we sang this song in chapel. The reality of the mercy of Jesus and his radical love is so great. Jesus Christ, the Son of God has that much mercy on me, a sinner, so as to beg that my punishment be laid onto him instead. Our God is so irrationally loving and incredibly good!

All For His Joy

"For the joy set before him he endured the cross..." - Hebrews 12:2

Sometimes I forget how powerful that statement is. "For the joy set before him." What was a joy that Jesus didn't already have before he came to earth? He was God, he had everything! Except for a reconciled relationship between himself and his bride. That, he did not have. But through the cross, he made that renewed relationship possible. That is why he endured the cross. that is why he prayed "Not my will but yours Father" when he reached one of his weakest moments at Gethsemane. For the joy set before him! For the incredible joy of being able to pursue and be pursued by his great love, me and you, with no barrier in between!

How amazing is that! We are his joy! We are why the experiences of pain, of abandonment, of betrayal, of suffering, were so so worth it Jesus. We are his prize, his reward, his gift. 

He died for us. Not only in the sense of "instead" of us, but also meaning "in order to obtain" us. It was the beautiful combination of mercy and love. He died in our place and to make us his own. Wow:)

Bring it Andy Mineo.

Yo, even if it means carrying an anvil up a steep hill
During an avalanche, I wanna walk inside His will
These habitats and conditions is giving me the chills
This is not a thrill, and it doesn't feel like a walk in the park
It kinda seems like I'm walking in the dark, lantern in my heart
These thorns and these thistles, are picking me apart
And cameras keep flashing, they depicting it as art
Fool, I'm on my knees right, stains on my jeans
Filthy from head to toe, I finally get to see light
Still in the batter's box after three strikes
Walking like Rev Run, steppin' in my three stripes
Walking this way and that way, I found a narrow path
It's like a tightrope He's gonna catch me, if I fall
Guess we all need a challenge,
To battle through this race in the Cross that we balance

In that execution, jury on your chest
Pick it up, and if you would look to it
Your soul will find some rest, pick it up
Ooh Pick It Up, Pick it up

Question, how would your face look if Jesus were to 
scroll through a page of your Facebook
Better one, would He be a bit confused
If He seen His name written in your religious views
Feeling conviction, they tick like
"Didn't you know He's love?"
Yeah you right but when He come back here to judge
Lamb to the Lion, He's ruling the nations
Packing a rod of iron, making a fool of Satan
Tattoo on His thigh, King of kings, Lord of lords
That's the name that's inscribed
White horses he'll ride, got flames in His eyes I'm not playin'
His fury is crushing enemies like grapes into wine
Ain't nobody know the day or the time
So I pray that you make up your mind, deny yourself and take up the pine
Live the Cross, it ain't a chain or design, 'cause Sin Is Wack
Don't wear one on your chest if you don't bear one on your back, fam.
In that execution, jury on your chest
Pick it up, and if you would look to it
Your soul will find some rest, pick it up
Ooh Pick It Up, Pick it up

He want us sold out, searching our hearts
Even believers got sin that they keep in the dark
You know that one thing, God ain't pleased with
He told you give it up, you wanna keep it
You got a million excuses, a billion reasons
But at the end of the day you still ain't at peace yet
Well let me let you in on a secret
We can't go deeper in our relationship till we leave it
Decease it, put it to sleep like a Posturepedic
'Cause sin is a fatal disease and only Jesus can treat it
And light of the fact that He freed us,
By His blood, cleaned us, washed and redeemed us
Uh, that's reason to make us rotate from our old ways
Desire to please and obey, tell the Lord okay
When the road may seem kinda lonely, my life Your way
Yeah

Passion Week

To begin this week of remembrance and celebration of our Savior and King, some amazing people at Trinity put on an event called Stations of the Cross. In it, there were 11 stations scattered throughout the building I live in, with a continuous worship session occurring in the main auditorium throughout the night. It was a very personal time, you came when you wanted and took your time through the stations, going back into the auditorium whenever you felt you wanted to worship in song more. These stations took you through the journey of Jesus, from Gethsemane, to Golgotha, to the resurrection at the empty tomb. It was a powerful evening. 

As a long-time follower of Jesus, I know his story, I know the basics, but as I seek Him more and ask Him to show me even more of His character, even deeper into His story, I learn more and more. 

I had been to an event like this before. At Christ the King, my home church, we have had these in the past. So I assumed I would have a similar experience, but I longed to go into the night with a heart open to receive all the God would show me, going in with a heart of worship and thanksgiving, not trying to "have an experience" or "get something out of it". I just wanted to worship. And in the worship, God began to open my eyes to a new side of the pain and the love of Jesus.

One of the stations focused on the betrayal of Judas and Peter to Jesus. Judas gave Jesus up for money, Peter gave him up for self-preservation. 

How must that have felt for Jesus? He was fully human. These were his followers. These were his friends. These were his guys, the ones who knew him the best and were closest to him. These were the ones who said they loved him. And He was also fully God. He was there when the first thoughts of these men were being created. He knew the desperate passion he had for them. He knew how he longed to be known for who he was by them, and for them to love him in return. 

The emotions of a man and the emotions of God, Jesus had it all. 

So what must the pain of that betrayal feel like? How deeply it must have tore into his heart. To see his friends, and his creation, the ones he came to rescue and love on, so blatantly deny him, so easily lead him to be murdered. 

Put yourself in that position. The person you trust, the person you love the most, the person who has told you and shown you that they love you, sell you out and give you up to be tortured and killed. For what purpose? To get some money. And to make sure their reputation does not get tarnished by your name so that they won't be in danger. What would your reaction be? I know I would be in dismay. I would be unimaginably hurt, in shock and confusion. And soon, in the confusion, I would probably get crazy angry.

This is why it is so powerful to see the reactions of Jesus.

Matthew 26:49-50 shows his response to Judas' betrayal.

      "So Judas came straight up to Jesus. 'Greetings, Rabbi!' he exclaimed, and gave him a kiss. Jesus said, 'Go ahead, my friend. Do what you have come for."

Luke 22:31-32 shows Jesus response to Peter.

      "'Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers."

In both instances, Jesus knew what was going on, he was not surprised, but I don't think that would even slightly lessen the pain of the betrayal. With Judas though, even when he was betraying him, Jesus still called him friend. How incredible is that? Jesus loved Judas. Even in that incredibly painful moment of being sold out by one of his own, Jesus reminded Judas that he loved him. 

In Peter's situation, Jesus knew that Peter would deny him. But he said that he pleaded for Peter. But even though he knew that Peter would betray him too, he knew that he would also turn back to him and repent. And that Jesus himself would gladly receive Peter back and never hold his sin against him or keep it hanging over his head, but instead entrust to him the task of encouraging his brothers. 

Later, as Jesus was hanging on the cross, and people were mocking him, and he was in unbearable pain, he said, "Father forgive them. They don't know what the are doing."

In each of his moments of unspeakable pain, in his hour of desperation, Jesus showed his desperation for us. Instead of dwelling on his own pain, he cried out to God to have mercy upon us. Jesus, the Lord of all Creation, in his moment of excruciating pain, begged his Father for mercy on the ones who rejected and murdered him, on the ones who betrayed him. 

What kind of man does that? Only the God-Man, only the one who loves his bride too much to ever leave her to her own devices, the one who loves her so much that even when she rejects him and hurts him, he pleads for her innocence. How amazing is our Jesus? How deep is his love for us? How vast must it be? 

Oh let us never forget the passion for us that overwhelmed the heart of Jesus even up until the moment he gave up his spirit. Because it still overwhelms him now! Hosanna, Jesus. Thank you for saving us with your love.

Where the Spirit of the Lord Is...

Ok, back to a normal person post now:)

Today in Chapel a pastor from an evangelical church in Fort Langley came to speak to us about freedom in the Lord. See, I love talking about freedom in God, because its something that I feel so many Christians don't fully understand. But today, I realized that I didn't even fully understand it either.

We went over a part of Paul's letter, Philippians 3. He goes over so much in this chapter, but the pastor who was speaking to us was concentrating on whats it had to do with our freedom fround in Jesus. 

Paul starts that he was "circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; ⁶ as for zeal,persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless." BUT because of the glory of Jesus, none of that mattered anymore. It counted as nothing. He was looked at as righteous and acceptable not because of what He had done, but because Jesus made him righteous and acceptable.

So often, I find that I am striving to be better for God, looking for his approval, hoping that at the end of the day when I ask, "How good was I today??" that I can hear that I did well. But so often, when I ask that question all I can hear are the voices of the sins I committed that day, the opportunities to show love and kindness that I skipped over, the times I ignored what God might have been saying to me, the times I was too lazy to pick up my Bible during the day even when I felt the nudge to do so, all the ways in which I feel like I fell short. Then, all I can feel is disappointment.  And there is an option for the other extreme, where I feel pride over how "good" I was today, where the praise is to me instead of to Jesus. This question always leads to either to pride or to striving and shame, and its focus is always on ourselves. 

But the thing is, that is never the question we should be asking ourselves at the end of the day. Because what God thinks of you isn't dependent on you. Let me say that again.

What God thinks of you isn't dependent on you.

Your acceptability to God is not dependent on what you have done. It is dependent of what Jesus has done. He has made us acceptable. He has made us clean. So at the end of the day, we should not ask "How good was I today?", but "How great is my God?" Because when we do that, our days will be concluded in a time of worship and thanksgiving, instead of in spirit of shame and disappointment. When we say, "Regardless of how I was today, my God is great", then there is worship, and there, there is freedom. 

Don't Go Harming Geese with Me Around

I know that usually my posts are pretty chill, but honestly, what kind of devil person gets a terrified goose up four floors into a dorm hall for a prank?

I know most people probably would've thought it was hilarious that there was a random goose right outside of our hall near the elevator. I know, at first, we were all just freaking out, taking pictures from an inched open doorway (obviously me included). But, then, I saw the poor thing just start panicking, trying to find some way out of the closed in space. To me, this creature just seemed so helpless and scared. It was just one of the geese that I had been laughing and smiling at just earlier today as it roamed freely around the lawns. I think I really scared all my girls when I randomly started sobbing in the hall:p I think the words "I want to cuddle it" actually came out of my mouth. I was so upset.

Ahh, it just bothers me so much when people have such blatant disregard for things that God made precious. Come on guys, we were made to care for God's creation, not treat it like garbage. The Living God made that little goose. If he cares about the sparrows, he definitely cares about this goose too.

I know, I'm completely overreacting. Sure, it was a just a silly prank.

But to the guys who did this:

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money.But what I do have is a particular set of skills; skills I have required over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you recognize that that was a total jerk move, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Whew, ok I feel a little better now.

(yeah, I know, I just placed myself in the category of crazy woman. But I'm ok with that tonight. That sweet bird was so scared.)

Overtake Me

On the way home from Ekklesia on Friday night, I was completely overtaken with the love for my Savior. I don't remember a time where I felt so desperate to be with Him, to be able to physically, fully run into His arms and hear His real voice. My heart was awakened to the extreme passion and adoration and desire to be with the One whom my heart was made to beat for. Honestly, it was almost unbearable, because I was so helpless to actually be able to do something about it. I was a giant sobbing mess, crying out for the physical presence of my God in desperation and frustration (and was probably not the safest driver to be on the roads;p) A while later, still on my drive back to campus, when my heart began to settle back into the more peaceful love and thankfulness for Jesus, I was a mixture of sad and grateful. I loved receiving that honest, unhindered taste of what my soul truly feels for Him, and of what His feels for me. But I don't know how I would get through my days with that overwhelming restlessness, that feeling of just wanting to claw my way into heaven already in order to finally be with my Jesus, the one I was made for. But it makes me so much more passionate to be with Him as much as I can now, even if its not even a taste of what I'll have with Him later. Because then, when I finally get to go home and spend eternity with my great Love, my heart will be so ready and I'll know that I am finally running and jumping into the arms of a man I've loved all of my life, even if the waiting process was so difficult. 

And I know that in every single second of my desperate pleading to just fully be with Him already, even if I couldn't see Him, Jesus was sitting with me in my car, smiling, saying, "My heart is absolutely ravished by your words of love, by your desperation to be with Me fully as you were meant to. But just you wait my beloved. Even this passion is not even a hint of what love will be unleashed on the day when you come home to Me fully. "

Ahh, I am still itching for that perfect day when I will finally be complete with the only One who can and was meant to complete me. 

Oh Jesus come for your bride soon!

Awaken My Heart

Bones

You can take my dry bones
Breathe life into this skin
You called me by name
Raised me to life again

You can calm the oceans
Speak peace into my soul
Take me as I am
Awaken my heart to beat again

Oh Jesus
Oh Jesus
Oh Jesus
Alive in me

You move in the unseen
You set the captives free
As I stand and sing
You're breaking the chains off me

Breathe in me Your life
I can feel You are close now
I can never hide
You are here and You know me
All I need is You
And I love You
I love You
I love You
I love You

Breathe in me Your life
'Til Your love overtakes me
Open up my eyes
Let me see You more clearly
Falling on my knees
'Til I love like You love
Like You love me
I love You

On My Father's Shoulders

In one of my classes, we were taking a small break from talking about Socrates, and instead were spending the day going through some of the parables that Jesus told. One of the ones we talked through was the parable of the lost sheep. Here it is, from Luke 15:

15 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. ² This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!

³ So Jesus told them this story: ⁴ “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?⁵ And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. ⁶ When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’⁷ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

I love this story that He tells, it tells so much about the obvious love that Jesus has for us! But this time, there was one line in that story that really stood out to me.  "And when He has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders." An image immediately entered my mind. Not of a sheep on the shoulders of a shepherd, but of a child on the shoulders of a father. 

I think there is something so special about how Jesus worded this parable. He didn't just lead the sheep back to the others, he scooped it up into his arms and placed it on his shoulders. IN JOY, no less. With celebration, as his children, when we are found after we have strayed, our Daddy puts us on his shoulders and takes us back to where He knows we should be. Think of the joy and contentment upon a little boy or girl's face when they are on their dad's shoulders. Even though they're way higher off the ground than they would normally be comfortable with, they are happy and satisfied and not the least bit worried because they know that they are safe on the shoulders of their daddy. 

I love how it applies to us, the children of God. When we have wandered, or gotten lost, or ran away, our Father always finds us and, with our trust, brings us to where he knows we will thrive. 

We have such an amazing father. He is always with us, he always has time, he is always holding us. He loves us unconditionally, he is never short with us. He hangs on our every word and loves listening to us tell him our stories and our thoughts. He always looks for us and finds us when we get lost or when we get ourselves into trouble. He is so proud of the people we are, and the people he is helping us become. He never leaves us on our own. He is the unfailing dad. The perfect, loving father that we run to. The one who always catches us. The one who then throws us onto his shoulders with laughter and joy and brings us home.