Please, Just Hold Me Abba

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." I have been holding onto this verse for the past month or so...but yesterday, my desperate need for the promise that it holds came crashing back onto the forefront of my life. 

It seems to always be the unexpected things that hurt the most, the things that we are confident won't happen, the pain that we think we'll never have to feel, the loss we think we'll never have to endure. But in the times of grief and pain and tears that won't seem to cease, God's promise breaks through: "Through this pain, through this suffering, I will bring new life. I will bring redemption in your circumstance. I will make you whole. I will make you new."  And in the darkness and the blurriness of uncertainty that these situations bring, Jesus is the rock that stands firm. In the confusion and in the exhaustion, He is our rock for us to fall on and rest upon.    

      And thats all of the certainty and hope that I can ask for, and while I wish I could have more, this truth is really all I need. Through this time as He says, "Just focus on loving me", I can say, "I trust you Jesus." And I can, because I know that He loves me and that His love never fails.                                   Honestly, I don't know how to make the pain of loss go away, no matter what kind of loss it is, the loss of a life, the loss of a love, the loss of the intimate closeness of a friendship. I barely even know how to describe it. Its like a fog that won't clear, an experience that you hope is just a dream. But in the fog, Jesus reaches out and embraces us. In the sadness and loneliness, He becomes our All. And I think that that is what He wants, because when He is our Everything, our desires transform into His desires, and wherever He wants to lead us, we are trusting to follow, even if it is through things that we cannot understand. He is the rock that is higher than us, He sees our future and all of the joy in Him that He has for us. So we can trust Him to lead us through, sustain us amidst, and grow us from the trials that He allows us to go through. He is the rock who will not be shaken, no matter what kind of storms rage around us as we cling to Him, no matter how much we pound our fists on his chest in frustration and pain, He does not let us go. And in the times where all I need is to be held, He holds me. What a God! What a Father! Thank you Abba<3